It’s a weird thing to feel so busy, so stressed or so lethargic that doing what I love – what I am so very passionate about – seems less like a passion and more like work. Recently, I’ve divided my time between working full time, going out with friends, wasting too much time on social media and occasionally squeezing in a full night’s sleep.

Occasionally.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed in myself for losing the motivation to sit down in the present moment and write something down. We generate so much anxiety within ourselves on any given day, and it’s usually not because of what we’ve done, but rather what we want to do but have yet to start. I opened up a book yesterday and it made me sad to think that, as a writer, I’ve only read maybe three novels in the past six months. I want to read. And I sure as heck want to write. But we’re surrounded by so many useless stimulants, that suddenly, sitting down on the couch after work and watching The Big Bang Theory or going to a friends house sounds immediately more enticing.

I stopped regularly playing the cello after high school. It didn’t take long to realize, when I sat down to play a few years ago, I was out of tune and couldn’t remember the notes right away. That’s also disappointing. It has been for a long while. But at least up until this last year, I was still writing almost every day. Now, I’m afraid if I don’t do something quick, my writing voice is going to retire to the same place my playing voice did.

I’ll work on practicing.

But for now, here’s to motivation and starting again with the written word. I’ve tried writing a blog post every day and I became backed up and bogged down and gave up entirely. So I’m going to write something every other day. Because as much as I believe in myself, I know that The Big Bang Theory or hanging out with friends isn’t something I want to let go of yet.

You’ll hear from me soon.

JMS