I broke my own heart over you.

I’m not saying that I fell in love with a stranger on the internet.

What I am saying is that I allowed myself to fall in love with the idea that you were into me and actually meeting me in real life.

When I realized that wasn’t the case, it was fine.

I became vulnerable with you (not something I easily allow myself to do) and when I spoke up, you just cut me off.

I felt deceived. Not by you but by myself.

I’ve worked hard to protect my peace and not be weak or caught up in someone so easily but something felt like a magnet drawing me to you.

When you disappeared, I had to accept that.

But then you come back for more text fucking fantasies and I just realized that you never wanted more with me to begin with and I wish I had known that all along.

How can a complete stranger make my body react with just words?

Why can’t I get you out of my head and how did you find you way into my heart?

I can’t explain it. It doesn’t make sense. I wanted to explore where we could go together, but to you, I was nobody. 

JMS