What Felt Safer

sometimes
I thought

it would be easier
to be alone

to sit with the pain
I already knew

the kind that didn’t surprise me
the kind I had learned
how to carry

because new love

felt like risk

like opening doors
I had just barely
closed

and I didn’t know

if anyone
could come close
without leaving
something broken behind

so I chose

what felt safer

what felt certain

even if it hurt

even if it meant
missing something
I didn’t yet believe in

because back then

I didn’t know

love could be
gentle

that it could stay
without wounding

that it could hold
without taking

I only knew

how to protect
what was left of me

JMS