Before leaving Tennessee, I, like most people with a brain, did my research about the new state that I was moving to. After all, I was traveling across the country and 2,200 miles away from everything and everyone that I loved. I read article after article and was even given a handbook by a friend, titled, “What to expect when planting yourself in a strange land and leaving the people that love you.” (I am pretty sure that she was the one that wrote the book)

It’s funny now, looking back.

But at the time it was helpful.

Okay, I’ll miss my family & my best friends. As to be expected, but really, Tennessee is only a plane ride away.

Will I experience a culture shock. It’s possible because San Diego is extremely liberal compared to that of the very conservative South. However, it’s not a bad thing.

I’ll begin to hate Tennessee. Hate? Definitely not. Fall in love with something that’s not familiar, football and the mountains? Absolutely, yes.

(Before I receive an influx of social media un-friending, I’ll reiterate that I don’t hate Tennessee.)

I could’ve prepared myself for change, more or less, and I could’ve halfway convinced myself that I was “prepared” to move to a different part of the country by myself. Yeah, okay. But there’s no way to explain in 20-something pages what happens when you pack your bags, say goodbye to the life you know & dive into an entirely new existence. Everything you thought you knew about yourself turns to dust and within a week you’ve learned so much on the journey to the new destination already.

A year before leaving Tennessee I finally made a decision I should’ve made nine months earlier. I ended a relationship which led to distancing myself from the other negativity in my life, and actively practicing self-love. And I thought elimination of negativity was the highest form of enlightenment. When I came to San Diego, I felt confident in knowing I hadn’t left any part of myself behind. Nothing I loved when I left won’t still have a place in my heart when I return to visit. And it didn’t take more than a week to realize that I’m not entirely sure when I’ll want to leave, if ever. I am no longer focused on the past nor am I worried about the future. I’ve learned more about life in 6 weeks than I learned throughout the entirety of the last ten years. I left so much pain behind when I started my journey and I have a peace now that I’ve never had in my entire life. I feel completely free and as if the world is mine, whatever I chose it to be. I realized that I’m allowed to be myself and I realized I don’t have anyone to impress. I don’t have anyone to answer to. I don’t have anyone I have to agree with. I have people to give love to and I have people that love me. And I have myself.

It’s not to say I’ve not had rough days.

After my very first FaceTime with Kelli, Sarah, Ashlynn and their kiddos, I spent the better half of an evening melodramatically watching the moon & listening to piano music while I cried & thought about how I’d never make anymore friends & I’d never miss my framily as much as I did in that moment. I spent the better part of a week coming home upset, doing nothing except writing. And yeah, I cried about it & yearned for home. But the moments pass. It doesn’t take longer than 30 minutes to compose myself in those moments and realize how lucky I am to be living such a beautiful life. There’s not a handbook for explaining what an experience like this will consist of. No one can tell you who you’re going to meet from one day to the next, who’s going to make an impact on your life and what kind of experiences you’ll be having. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still getting to know myself on a level that I never have before and I yearn to be the best me possible and surround myself with people that inspire me and genuinely want to be a part of my life. One thing that I’ve learned in the last year is that life is a gift. Every day, we are given the opportunity to make the day whatever we want it to be.

And when you have yourself, when you have confidence and when you have curiosity and you have love, you don’t need a handbook.

JMS