Where Love Heals

Yesterday morning started like most mornings—routine, automatic. I opened my closet, grabbed an outfit without thinking. I shaved my legs with a brand-new razor, noticed the faint red marks, but dismissed them. No one would see. I threw on a blue blouse, dark jeans, boots, layered my jewelry, grabbed my things, and headed out the door.

Before leaving, I paused in front of the mirror. I lingered a moment, drinking in the reflection. For the first time in a long time, I recognized the person staring back at me. Confident. Secure. Comfortable in her own skin. Every glance shows progress—every day, a little closer to the best version of myself.

Fast forward to after work. I’m home, anticipating her arrival, and suddenly my confidence wavers. I try on outfit after outfit, each one failing to satisfy me. The mirror becomes an enemy, highlighting every perceived flaw. Positive thoughts vanish. Self-loathing floods in:

“Why are my calves so big?”
“Why isn’t my stomach flat yet?”
“My butt is too big.”
“I need to work out more.”
“I eat too much.”
“No one will ever love me for who I am.”
“Maybe I need to wear make-up.”
“Ugh… I hate myself.”

Victoria’s Secret isn’t calling me anytime soon—probably wouldn’t have at 19, either—but I’m not the same person I was then, and thank God for that. Maybe I was prettier, but I was naïve. Now, I’m wiser. Stronger. Beauty can’t compete with growth, with life lessons, with the depth of who I’ve become.

In ten hours, circumstances can flip your world. I went from confident to anxious, eager to impress, desperate to show someone that I’m enough, forgetting for a moment that I already am.

Why do I do this to myself? What am I so afraid of? Will my world collapse if someone doesn’t love me—or think I’m beautiful, smart, good enough? No. And yet…sometimes it feels like it will. Balancing who I am with the desire to be loved is exhausting. “Just be yourself,” they say. I do. And sometimes, it’s not enough.

But I’ve fought hard to get here—to a place of peace, to true self-acceptance. I have to keep loving myself. I have to challenge those negative thoughts and remind myself: I am more than enough. I am worthy. I am my own cheerleader. Because at the end of the day, I am still me—and that is enough.

I’ve wasted too much time wondering what’s “wrong” with me. Today, I choose pride instead. Today, I smiled back at the girl in the mirror and told her she’s worth it.

JMS